It just flows, like water through the river, or one pose to the next in a graceful vinyasa. It can be scary at times, to watch the change wash over your perspective and through your life. This makes the time on the mat ever more precious. Each day I come back to this “place” on my mat. The world moves and changes, my body and its willingness to take certain shapes changes, my thoughts on the mat can change, but my re-connection to my heart is constant. It is always there. The mat and the bendy postures are just the tools to continue to open me up when fear wants to close me down. On the brink of more change, just days into the FunRaiser Yoga idea, the doubts creep in. Yet the heart shines and says, “So what- this isn’t about anything other than sharing yoga and helping others. Stick to this and you will catch a glimpse of the next door when its time.”

I opened a Yoga Journal last May to read Seane Corn’s words about Off the Mat into the World. I walked through the door and worked on a service project to bring money to those in need in Haiti. Through the Abundant Yoga Project  this fall I met many wonderful people and taught yoga to hundreds of children in my new local community. New doors opened to teach here. The power of service is rooted in me from the Abundant Yoga/Seva experience. So I connected with some like-minded folks, and now we are looking at ways of using yoga to help our local communities. We can boost heath, connect new people to yoga, and help local organizations and businesses. The definition of yoga is union. Healthy, positive, vibrant community is the greatest expression of that union. So I walk through this door and wonder, what amazing experiences this will bring?

Bring on the lesson of the “burning foot.” Just days after getting my children into their first days of school, launching the Abundant Yoga project in earnest, and settling into the routines of fall I developed a “burning foot.” The first time the sensation flooded my foot I was driving, so I looked at the heater assuming the car was malfunctioning. The first day it happened once, the following day a couple of times, within 5 days if was happening most of the time and I began losing sensation on the top of my foot. I was shuffled into the doctor’s office, sent directly to a neurologist, and am now immersed in various investigations to discover what exactly my nerves are up too.

But that really isn’t the interesting part…as in all of life; the really interesting part is our RESPONSE to what is happening. My first response was denial. Although I married a man who later became a physician, I do not like “going to the doctor” (and my doctor is VERY NICE and WONDERFUL). I have a screw lose about my needing a doctor as a failing on my part…story for another day. However, I could see worry in the eyes of my very level headed hubby, so I went. As soon as the litany of tests and appointments began to stack up I fell into fear.  My mind began to race to the BIG STUFF:

cancerous tumor?

something life-threatening?

what about my husband/children?

…bad thoughts. Note: I do not have a tumor (tests have shown that so far), but my mind went on a huge dramatic journey of its own. The race moved on to focusing on the SMALL STUFF and making it BIG STUFF:

the appointments are inconvenient!

how will I keep the momentum of the Abundant Yoga Project going!

is my balance affected with the burning/numb foot?!

these persistent sensations are annoying me!

I saw two choices. Choice A would involve opening too many bottles of wine and indulging a pity-party, so I went to Choice B. I took this mental chatter to the mat. In a pose, we sometimes find the “ah-ha” moment by softening what can be softened, and bringing breath and strength to places of need with our intention. We recognize that we can be simultaneously strong and soft. I did not need to approach the burning foot with the hammer of denial, nor go limp in fear/pity. My burning foot is the supreme lesson in this basic yogic principle. I need to soften my need for control and bring my breath to continue to strengthen my body while listening to my foot. I can then truly accept the gift of “this is it,” burning foot and all. Doctors may provide an answer to the nerve issue; it may go away on its own, I may need surgery next week. That is the future. What I have is today, what I do with it, how I treat others, time to hug my kids, enjoy my work, get awesome on the mat, love my husband, and recognize my great abundance. Thank you burning foot for bringing another layer of learning to my ever-expanding practice.

Fear. This shadow shows up in so many guises that just when you think you have gotten to know it, it surprises you. How much fear could possibly pop up in the context of working on a project to help other’s access to clean water and shelter? Answer: a whole bunch. Fear of "no one taking interest," ego fear of “failure,” fear of starting too late to make a difference, fear of not communicating well, fear of taking time away from my family, fear of finding time to give it my best effort…just plain old fear. I found myself floundering, allowing the fear to take hold. Fear is truly the great inhibitor. Distinct from healthy caution, fear is the irrational (but shockingly emotional) response that can lead us to freeze. As a doer, a go-getter, a multi-tasking dervish, the fear response stops me in my tracks.  That is when it is time to sit and breathe, acknowledge the fear, acknowledge what it may be teaching, then move forward.

My breakthrough moment was seeing enthusiasm for what I was creating mirrored in another. Seeing my work through their eyes, I took my fear to the mat and burned it away. If left unexamined, fear would be an indulgent emotion robbing the women of Haiti, and myself, of our abundance! The answer to the fear question became “I hear you and choose to act anyway.” My abundance and ability to share it became my mantra. Help others see their abundance, and share it. Directing my intention and gifts towards the service of others, I can and will create abundance in the world. If I share that vision with others, and we work toward the goal together, the positive effects are magnified exponentially. Fear has no hold in such clear light.

The best thing about fear is that it moves in waves and cycles. It is never as strong as you imagine, nor will it ever be gone forever. That is the beauty and the joy of life. Each day I hit the mat, open the gates, and get ready to greet what comes. With gratitude I see my abundance, and fear fades into sunset.

The mantra, “This is It” broke straight through my mental clutter, my distraction, my to-do lists and grounded me right into the moment. She brilliantly linked “This is It” to “Celebration.” Encouraging each of us to celebrate each movement, and stay with it, as “this is it.”

These principles, as most principles in yoga, are not revolutionary. However to actually practice the principles on a daily basis IS revolutionary. Working into my Seva journey is a personal transformation to stand in consistent recognition of “this is it.” I am challenged to shed my expectations, fear, and ego and working to embrace each moment as it comes. (I almost talked myself out of my morning yoga practice for a variety of silly reasons). Our ego experiences the world in a constricted form, and interprets all experience as “lack” (money, beauty, ability to do headstand, whatever). The perspective of lack can be directed at ourselves, or in judgment of others. Our ego fills us with fear and clings relentlessly to all we have, whilst all the time wishing for more.

Sometimes “more” we desire is “more” good for others, but we must still investigate the source. If it is fed by ego, it makes demands; creates negative judgment of others (usually regarding their stance to one’s goals); can be self-deprecating (you have not done enough to help), and on and on…

“This is it,” breaks through the ego to the heart, and recognizes the abundance and grace of this moment, this breath. When we see the beauty of the moment, we experience our abundance- and from a place of abundance we witness how much we have to give. This is the Seva, the service, a perfect circle of receiving and giving a gift. Recognize your abundance and pay it forward, create a community and world we are proud to leave to our children. Mother Theresa (and the other saints of this world) did not become who they were by “aspiring to be a saint.” Rather they recognized in each moment, this is it, the abundance in their midst, and shared the abundance freely. This is participating in the divine circle, the meaningful path.

Breathe in, breathe out…this is it. May my heart open to my abundance and my actions share it freely.

A quote came across Twitter that resonated: “How do I live from my soul? Turn pitfalls into opportunities.” This week I was challenged to change my perspective of scarcity into lessons of patience. I am excited about jumping into the projects, creating the events, helping others to see abundance in their lives, and creating some abundance for those in need. HOWEVER, what the universe asked of me this week was to practice patience. Patience is the opportunity hidden inside the pitfall of time scarcity. Patience is the quality I need to continue to nurture in order to meet my goals for Haiti, to parent well, and to embrace a fruitful life. Patience does not come easy for me, I usually “turn on the afterburners” and attempt to push my way through life. This week I did not. My practice of patience translated into two daily “exercises.”

15 Minutes of Yoga Practice: A couple week’s ago I began getting up at 6:30am and starting my day on my mat. How is this an example of patience you ask? I WANT more time to practice, 1-2 hours a day would be lovely. With the competing forces in my life, this is a rare occurrence. I was impatient about my “lack” of mat time. Through practice of patience, I see “some” yoga time as a gift. Each morning I set a timer for 15 minutes. If life doesn’t compete for my attention I may practice longer. Patience is teaching me that 15 minutes is a beautiful way to start the day, that 15 minutes matters.  15 minutes changes my attitude for the day, roots me in my breath, and keeps me feeling the “four corners of my feet” as I stand throughout the day. I am now true practitioner of 15 minutes of yoga each morning, and I am a more patient and grateful person.

Going to bed EARLY: A 12-14 hour day of parenting to small children and managing the details of life takes energy. The lesson of patience asked that I charge my reserves with sleep. Although this sounds like common sense, I actually had to bring intention and practice to get myself to bed. I was itching to sit at my computer, work on my Haiti project, do some research… but I brought patience to the forefront and slipped between the sheets instead. Practicing patience bears the fruit of more patience. Because I was well rested, it was easier to rise for morning yoga, and I was more patient with my children and the challenges of the day.

Patience is teaching me that not all the “work” I am going to do for the Seva Project is going to come in the form of completed document, phone calls, meetings, or teaching. The gifts of this project are coming in growing qualities and attributes, such as patience, that will inspire the Seva project and my life. These two daily practices alone are life changing.

I have always been a goal setter, agenda writer, list creator, and at times in the words of my family a “task master.” I look at the world and see a million projects to “make it better.” This may sound nice, I get lots of positive feedback from friends and family about “how much I accomplish,” but at it’s core it is a response to an embedded feeling of lack.

My house lacks tidiness, my schedule lacks time, my children lack my attention, my body lacks enough exercise….my work and efforts become an obsessive effort to fill (or alternatively avoid/ignore) this void. As a yoga practitioner and teacher, you would think I would know better, and I do…intellectually. But long worn paths take intensive practice and intention to change, and hence, my six month Seva project with a focus on abundance.

What I have found in the first few weeks of this journey* is that abundance is the gift of compassion. Simply labeling my experiences and examples of abundance, although helpful, is not enough. Rather I need to bring genuine compassion to the moment, and THEN label the abundance within it.

Example: Time

I am a mother of two small children (5 and 2), I run the business portion of my husband’s medical practice, I have recently sold our home and moved to a new city, and I have been without any consistent childcare for 4 months. The “lack perspective” is very whiny about this and complains vehemently. “I don’t have enough time for yoga!” “I need more time in the day.” “I don’t have time for my projects.” Etc etc etc… This is a very limited perspective that focuses on the negative, drives me to work myself to exhaustion and then feel resentful. Not a very balanced, loving or compassionate way to co-exist in the world, never mind the poor example for my children.

Although I can see all of the abundance around me, I am having trouble ACCESSING THE CORE FEELING of abundance, the genuine experience, because I am seeing everything I have not done rather than embracing and appreciating what IS. In other words, I am not living compassionately in the present moment. Rather I am living attached to some outcome that may or may not happen in the future, and usually I am judging myself fairly harshly about why that “perfectly imagined future” is not my present.

My new “goal” is to bring compassion to each moment before all else. Compassion when my son is having a tantrum, compassion when my house is not tidy, compassion to my body no matter how my shorts fit, compassion to my daughter who wants Mommy to play princess not do research on the computer, compassion to my schedule and practice the word “no” to keep it manageable, compassion to myself when I fail to have compassion– just that, compassion. This work will dig up my "perspective demon" and lay it before me on a regular basis, something I am sure to be writing about during this journey. But I do believe that I will FEEL the abundance I can SEE so clearly around me. As I am grounded in compassion and abundance, my Seva project can flow from a place of integrity. Big projects ask for big change. Namaste.

*Big thanks to Judith Lasater's Living Your Yoga. This notion was inspired by her chapter on compassion as I was re-reading this gem.

So now begins the work of Making it Real. It is time to take the ideas, thoughts and dreams and create some positive reality. Next week I begin the phone calls and start to create the "Yoga Awesomeness" events. Whew...sounds scary even to me. 

With the foundational pieces created, and the wheel set in motion, I will walk away from the computer for a few days to celebrate the long weekend with my family. I am truly grateful to have such abundance in my life; abundant love, family, friends, and now an project that is sure to be "abundant" with growth. (The words "be careful what you wish for" just flew into my head....tee hee hee).

Have a wonderful Canada Day weekend all! Off to watch the Fireworks.

I closed my Awesome Yoga studio in February, when as a family, we decided to move, providing my husband with a new work opportunity. I was saddened to teach the last class in the studio, knowing I would miss each face that had crossed the threshold. After spending the first months getting the family settled and through the transition of the move, I began getting "itchy" about the next step on my yogic path. 

Our new home could not provide the private studio space of my previous home. My family's new schedule (two little ones under 6) made teaching in the community on a regular basis a challenge...so what was next?

I worked on patience (or being not-so-patient as my husband would attest) and waited for the door to open. Sitting in an airport at the end of May, a door didn't just open...it jumped off a page and smacked me right between the eyes! One of the early articles in the Yoga Journal was about Seane Corn and the Off the Mat into the World organization. The article spoke of embracing Seva (service) and expanding one's yogic horizons. By that very evening I was having a discussion with my husband....could we do it?...could we put off my re-entry into the work force in a "formal" capacity for another six months? Both of us took stock of the situation and came up with a resounding "YES!"

So here it begins. Tonight I reorganized my Awesome Yoga website, and have laid the rudimentary pages to share the project. I have fundraisers to plan, studios to call, friends to rally...and a million ideas of gathering people together to practice yoga and donate their usual "yoga fees" directly to improving the lives of others. It is Seva, and the very heart of the work I truly LOVE to do.

I have a LONG way to go to reach $20,000 in six months. But those who know me best know I love a good challenge. My focus in the process is ABUNDANCE. In our North American society, we are bursting with abundance. However, most of the time we (self included!) focus on what we perceive we lack. Marketing often does not help with the perception of lack (commercials, magazine, etc constantly point to what we "lack" and need to "buy") in one of the most abundant continents on the planet. So this is what I want to do: shine a light on our abundance, our health, and our good fortune and transform it into love, caring and giving to others. Namely, the thousands of people who are still without access to clean water, enough food, shelter...sustenance. 

So I will use my skills, assets, and opportunities to create positive change in the world. Only by dreaming bigger and working together can we improve our common condition on the planet. Join me, it will surely be an adventure. I will share the successes and not-so-successful moments. In the end, all paths meet. 

Cheers and Namaste,

Jay